Dear: God,
I am feeling really happy right now but also sad at the same time. Everything's going good: my classes, China prep,etc. those are all going so good! and am happy right now. however, the being single by default, because no guy wants to go out with me, is still...hurting. a lot. especially around engaged couples. It's gotten to the point where I don't think I can handle being around engaged couples. it's always painful for me, and always reminds me that I don't have that, i don't have that thing I want so badly! and nothing i can do can change that. I cant work harder at it, i cant study more, i can't save up money,etc. there's nothing I can do. I know that some people think its prejudiced or mean, but...is it so wrong to do something to keep myself from being hurt?to keep myself happy and joyful? being around engaged people HURTS me. it hurts me a lot. It's not that I hate them or am mad at them or anything like that. and its not that am not happy for them because i am. I just...I just don't like what it does to me. I know it might sound mean, but its more about me than them. would they rather that I keep hanging with engaged people and cry my heart out every night?would they prefer that?because it feels like that's what they are saying. I know it's problaly not what they are saying but still it sometimes feels like that's what they are saying.
what do you think?
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